How to write a best man or maid of honour speech
This is the speech people are most afraid of, and it has the clearest shape of them all: a little roast, a lot of love, in that order. The mistake is not too many jokes — it's jokes with no turn. The room laughs, then waits for the moment you mean it, and if that moment never comes the speech was only teasing.
Five sections carry it: who you are, the story they dreaded, the moment you knew, what their partner changed, and a toast. Five minutes, absolute ceiling.
00:01The structure
5 sections, in this order.
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01
Opening
Introduce yourself and your job tonight — one gentle joke
One line on who you are, one gentle joke on your role — at your expense or the job's, never yet at theirs. 'Erik asked me to keep this short, which is also how he describes me' does more than a paragraph of introduction.
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02
Story
The story they hoped you’d forgotten
The story they hoped you'd forgotten — embarrassing, not humiliating. The test: they should laugh hardest of anyone in the room. If the story needs the words 'you had to be there', or a drink to excuse it, choose another one.
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03
Moment
The moment you knew these two were it
The pivot, and the whole speech turns here: the exact moment you realised this was it. Be specific — the look across a kitchen, the first time they said the name differently. One honest detail beats every superlative.
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04
Story
What the new partner has changed in them
Talk about what the partner has changed — the small, observable things. 'He's on time now. He owns a plant. The plant is alive.' Praising the partner through their effect on your friend lands twice.
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05
Toast
Bring the room to its feet — keep the line short
Bring the room to its feet and keep the line short enough to echo. If the toast has a second clause, cut it.
00:02The rules
The rules of the room.
Structure carries the speech; these keep it out of trouble.
- Five minutes, hard limit. The roast section alone should be under two.
- Every joke aimed at the couple must have love visible under it. The room can tell.
- Nothing about exes. Nothing that happened after 2 a.m. that they'd retell differently.
- Rehearse against a clock at least twice — nerves add speed, and speed eats the laughs.
- End at the toast. Don't ease out of it, don't add a coda. Glasses up, sit down.
00:03Questions
Asked before every best man / maid of honor.
- How long should a best man speech be?
- Four to five minutes — about 550 to 650 words. Shorter is fine; longer needs the room's permission, and it hasn't given it.
- How do I make a best man speech funny without going too far?
- Aim the sharpest joke at yourself, the affectionate ones at the groom, and none at the couple's relationship. The test for every line: would they enjoy hearing it retold at their tenth anniversary?
- What should a maid of honour speech include?
- The same spine as a best man's: who you are, one story that shows who the bride is, the moment you knew about the two of them, what the partner has changed, and a short toast. The tradition differs; the shape doesn't.
- How do I end a best man speech?
- With the toast, and nothing after it. Ask everyone to stand, raise your glass, say the shortest true line you have — 'To Anna and Erik' — and sit down while they're still drinking.
00:04In the app
From outline to on time.
Every section gets a time, and the total tells you whether you will fit your slot. You write your lines directly inside each block, so the words and the shape never drift apart.
When it is time to deliver, the same outline becomes full-screen cue cards with a stage clock, or a teleprompter that follows the pace you planned.
00:05Related
Other shapes for the same room.
Warm, personal and ending with the toast — 3–5 min
One big idea — told through story, data and a clear takeaway
A tribute that honors a life through specific, vivid stories
The traditional order, with room for the one story only you can tell
Warm and a little funny — who they are, what they mean to us
New year, anniversaries, dinners — one story and a raised glass
00:06Get it
Open this outline in SpeechDraft.
The best man / maid of honor template is one of 28 in the app. Building and writing are free — the first two speeches, with no limit on the words — and Pro is one purchase of $9.99 if you keep going. No subscription, and it works with the wifi off.
Download on the App Store iPhone, iPad and Mac. One purchase covers all three.