How to write a eulogy
A eulogy has one job: to put the person in the room one more time. Not their CV, not the ceremony's version of them — them, recognisable enough that the people who loved them nod. Specific, small stories do this. Summaries of virtues do not.
Six sections, three to seven minutes. You do not have to be profound. You have to be accurate about someone you loved, which is harder and matters more.
00:01The structure
6 sections, in this order.
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01
Opening
Their name, your bond — and thanks to everyone here
Their name, your bond, and a thank-you to everyone who came — three sentences at most. Starting simply gives you somewhere stable to stand for the harder parts.
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02
Story
A story that sounds exactly like them
The first story should sound exactly like them — the one where everyone who knew them can hear their voice. Real detail over polish: what they said, what they were wearing, what went wrong. Laughter here is not disrespect; it's recognition.
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03
Quote
Something they always said, or a verse they loved
Something they always said, or a verse they loved. Their own words carry more than anything you can compose — the sentence they repeated so often it embarrassed the family is now the one everyone wants to hear again.
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04
Story
A second, smaller story — the ordinary habit that says more than the big moments
The second story should be smaller than the first — the ordinary habit, the way they answered the phone, the thing they did every Sunday. Grief lives in the small routines; naming one holds the room closer than any big moment.
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05
Moment
A pause — let the room hold them for a breath
Then let the room breathe. Say their name, and stop for a moment — written into the speech, so you don't have to improvise silence while standing in front of it.
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06
Closing
A goodbye in their spirit, not the ceremony’s
End as they would have ended it — in their spirit, not the ceremony's. If they were funny, it can be funny. A goodbye that sounds like them is the point of everything before it.
00:02The rules
The rules of the room.
Structure carries the speech; these keep it out of trouble.
- Three to seven minutes — about 500 to 900 words. Shorter is not less love.
- Two specific stories beat ten adjectives. 'Generous' says nothing; the time they drove four hours with a spare key says everything.
- Write it exactly as you talk. A eulogy in formal written English sounds like it's about someone else.
- Print it in large type, and rehearse it aloud at least twice. Getting caught by grief mid-sentence is normal — knowing the next line by feel is what lets you continue.
- Have a backup reader. Ask someone before the service to step in if you can't continue — knowing the exit exists usually means you won't need it.
00:03Questions
Asked before every eulogy.
- How long should a eulogy be?
- Three to seven minutes — 500 to 900 words. If several people are speaking, stay near three. The service has a shape of its own, and the eulogy is one part of it.
- How do I start a eulogy?
- Plainly: their name, what they were to you, and a thank-you to everyone there. 'I'm Anna, Maria's youngest — thank you all for being here today.' The simple opening is not a lack of craft; it's what lets you speak.
- Is it okay to be funny in a eulogy?
- If they were funny, yes — a story that makes the room laugh in recognition is one of the kindest things a eulogy can do. The test is that the laughter is about them, in their spirit, and would have made them laugh too.
- What if I cry while giving it?
- Then you cry, and the room will hold you — no one has ever judged a eulogy for it. Pause, breathe, find the line again. It helps to rehearse aloud beforehand and to ask someone in advance to take over if you truly can't continue.
00:04In the app
From outline to on time.
Every section gets a time, and the total tells you whether you will fit your slot. You write your lines directly inside each block, so the words and the shape never drift apart.
When it is time to deliver, the same outline becomes full-screen cue cards with a stage clock, or a teleprompter that follows the pace you planned.
00:05Related
Other shapes for the same room.
Warm, personal and ending with the toast — 3–5 min
One big idea — told through story, data and a clear takeaway
Affectionate, a little roast — lands on a heartfelt toast
The traditional order, with room for the one story only you can tell
Warm and a little funny — who they are, what they mean to us
New year, anniversaries, dinners — one story and a raised glass
00:06Get it
Open this outline in SpeechDraft.
The eulogy template is one of 28 in the app. Building and writing are free — the first two speeches, with no limit on the words — and Pro is one purchase of $9.99 if you keep going. No subscription, and it works with the wifi off.
Download on the App Store iPhone, iPad and Mac. One purchase covers all three.